I don’t know how to talk about this. I don’t know how I feel and I don’t trust how I feel. I don’t have all the information which makes me feel lost but also relieved because I don’t want to know all the times he cheated.
I’m lucky I guess to have gotten 19 years with a stable household, some only get 7 years, some get none at all. But I got the time to grow up with them.
Marriage scares me now more than ever before. Having children too. I know the statistic. 1 of 2 marriages ends in divorce. But I still want these things. I want a partner for life. Is that even real anymore?
Why does it feel like I’ve always known, and also like I don’t believe it could be true. I’m just sad.